Saturday, August 29, 2009

Apples and Oranges.


I had above conversation with a friend a day before Ramadhan. But did you see the last line?

Harsh, right. That’s how much I love food. No two puddings are ever the same. Each one is special. Pity him. He was just being concern as a friend. And as usual my mood swings like nobody's business.

That last line, however, came from personal experience. Well, I didn’t have a miscarriage. My cousin sister did. She had finally conceived after seven years of trying. Things were shaky from the start. It got especially complicated by the fourth month. And as she was undergoing surgery to save the pregnancy, the foetus slipped right out.

Seven years. She had wanted this so bad. The devastation… I had never seen her so cut and broken before.

The last thing she would have wanted to hear at that moment was that she “could try again”.

Sometimes we can’t help it. We blurt things out. We feel pressured to say something comforting. But please, do stop to think for a moment in such a delicate situation.

In the same way, when someone tells you of their recent or ongoing misfortune, that’s probably the worst time for you to relate your “similar” experience. Because while the general term for it - miscarriage, death of an immediate family member, accident - might be the same, one’s personal experience is different from another is different from another is different from another (intentionally repeated).

We may relate our own stories with the best of intentions. Hoping that it will console the person. To know that someone experienced something similar but made it through. But think about it. Really think. How is your apple going to make me feel better that I lost my orange?

14 comments:

MariaFaizal said...

I'd say there's always silver lining in every obstacle.

Remember, apple is not gonna be orange in a million years time ,but you'll never be lacked of vitamic C and other goodness that apple could give, just like an orange could have given :)

Happy 7th Ramadhan sista!

Jard The Great said...

We may relate our own stories with the best of intentions.. so true..... sometimes.. no words of comfort are suitable in such a situation...

HEMY said...

huu..nice words babe...so true..but can you still eat the sandwich when you got home later??eehehhe

zamspotte said...

Erk... this post make me feel hungry... hehe...
Apples can replace oranges... Both can feel our stomach

CAHAYA said...

Kak Maria,

Yeah, I know. InsyaALLAH. I may sounded like I lost hope on when people ask me to try again next time when I'm at lost. Sometimes, I just wanna give up life. And leave things run by itself. With it own flows.

Apple and orange would never be the same. But it is in the same category. Fruits. Hopefully, it will somehow ease one burden whenever they needed one.

Happy Ramadhan. Eh, not 8th meh?

CAHAYA said...

Jard,

Sometimes we don't need words to console our hearts. We don't need fancy quotes to make us feel better. We just need someone to stay beside us during those moment. Just be there.

"Be strong." Famous quote whenever someone had recent or ongoing misfortune. Me too. I always said the same too. I know it may not help that unfortunate person in anyway. But that's the least I could offer at that moment.

Is silence better?

CAHAYA said...

HEMY,

Thanks.

Eat when I got home later? I don't know. Maybe I'm full because I already ate at the cafeteria. Or maybe I want to eat something else for dinner.

It will not be the same. The experience will not ever be the same.

CAHAYA said...

Zam,

If you read this through, you will know what I mean. It's true, both can fill your stomach. But it won't be the same for those who don't like apple or vice versa. It just not the same, even if it falls under same category. Fruits.

Yang pasti, setiap pengalaman manusia di dunia ini berbeza. Mungkin kita melalui perkara yang sama; kehilangan, kemalangan, dan juga kematian. Tapi hubungan kita dengan orang2 yang berkaitan, tak sama dengan yang lain. It just plain different!

cik siti penguin said...

too true, too true.
the loss of one thing can never be replaced by another. but it's always important we don't dwell too much over our own loss :)

CAHAYA said...

cik siti penguin,

That's the thing. Sometimes I've been too carried away. I don't know. I'm only me. Carried away me.

dukunlintah plk said...

harsh line??.. ari raya klk mintak maap :)

CAHAYA said...

dukunlintah plk,

Haha. Baiklah. Lama lagi kot raya. Ntah sempat ntah tidak.

iNsOmNiAc said...

yup, spot on... juz like how this stupid bitch went on & on abt how sad she was when her puppy died juz to force-relate her story to my baby bro's death... i almost slapped her silly :p

CAHAYA said...

iNsOmNiAc,

Some people just don't get it. It may be in the same category: lost. But it will never ever be the same experience. Never in zillion years. Never forever.

I prefer to 'be' there.;)