Saturday, August 22, 2009

My First Love.

I have strong passion and undivided love for my first and only love. I fell in love over and over again with the same first love. Even until now.

My first love is music. The first time I really listen to one is when I was 9 years old. It was the era of 90s; Ace of Base, Duran Duran, M.C Hammer, and ongoing act from the 80s; Paula Abdul, Billy Idol, Janet Jackson etc. I tuned to the same radio station everyday and secretly at night.

The secret burst out after half a year. My dad smashed the radio into pieces after I quarreled with my sister about our conflict of interest. It was my fault, I know. She wants to sleep. I didn't want to turn off the radio just because the DJ said they will play 'Come Undone' next. She started to scream and yelling; "Bisinglah!" over and over, and made my dad came knocking on our bedroom doors. And without another word, the radio was on the floor, smashed!

I cried that night. And the day after. But not the day after that.

My friend offered me her Walkman. On loan basis, of course. I smiled. My first love was in my arm. Even it was on loan basis. I craved for Nirvana, Alice In Chains, Hootie & the Blowfish, Pearl Jam, and of course some big emotional singer like Celine Dion, Mariah Carey, Madonna and Bryan Adams. I returned the Walkman to the owner right before I sat for UPSR.

The result for UPSR was out. And there was a gift on the table when I came back that day. It was small, not so tiny, and a bit flat. "It was for you," my dad said. I opened it, and I cried for few hours. Speechless. I was the happiest person on earth on that day. Thanks, Ayah.

It was a tape recorder. Plus with FM/AM features. And there was 'SONY' written on top of it. The very first song I've heard from my SONY was 'All That She Wants' by Ace of Base. I smiled. I had my first love in my arm again. And this time, it was mine. My secondary school years were superb. Smooth sailing till year 1998 with gigs and concerts in between. And not to forget my SONY was still beside me.

I went to MMU few months after SPM. And I brought my SONY with me, but only for a few months. I left it at home when I've transferred to Cyberjaya on 2000. I guess I was kinda forget about SONY's loyalty. Maybe, I was too eager of the technology. It was millennium, so they say. No one listen to those cassettes anymore. I need to catch up. And I never saw SONY again after I left it at home that day. Not even a glimpse.

I found my SONY today in the store room. Covered in dust. It has been almost 10 years. I pressed PLAY button. 'Crash Boom Bang' by Roxette was playing loud. And I cried. Childishly.

Sorry love that I've forgotten you. But I won't forget you ever again. You'll be with me till the end. You are my first love. You will always be my love. I'll make sure of that. I promise!


November said...

this is simply sweet.. :)

yup..we tend to forget the ones who have been with us during the tough times when they are being replaced with new ones.

but most of the time, the one who was with us through the tough times are the one who will stay tough through all times.

Jard The Great said...

OMG.. so sweet!!! ehehehe.... love this entry..

Anonymous said...

Oh my god! Tape recorder. So classic yet it is a great stuff.

In good condition(can play tape), you must be a caring owner. :)

CAHAYA said...


They say, life made it that way. We tend to forget the one who cared most. We worshipped the new. Without hesitation. But I don't blame life. I blame the people. I blame myself. ;)

I did mistakes in the past, I forgot things, I hurted others etc. I just hope the one that stay all the way will stay the same till the very end. Even if I change.

ixora said...

wah2..adiah lme tuh..mesti banyak kenangan yg lom cite nih... hehe...=)

CAHAYA said...


Thanks. Glad you like it. ;) How's your day babe?



Yep. Classic. Been with me since forever. I know 'him' more than I know my little bro. **sigh**

'He' still can play for a while. And then sudden stop because of the cassette itself. Dah berkulat. Huhu. Ironic. 'He' needs a big wash-up before I dig up all my harta karun (cassettes) out. ;)

CAHAYA said...


Haah. Banyak kenangan. Banyak cerita. Tapi biasalah, bila dah terlalu banyak cerita dalam kepala, last2 tulis benda lain. Haha.

Yeay, tak sabar nak jumpa awak esok. ;)

Wahidah said...

sure memorable giler kan walkman ne..n surprisely still eh guna..hehehe..jaga bebaik kay cahaya..harta peninggalan tu..hehehe

Suka Bebel said...

aku pun simpan lagi aku punya walkman tapi dah lama tak mainkan.banyak barang barang lama yang sayang nak buangkan.simpan sampai tak cukup tempat nak letak.hehe

sicKo^ said...

sweet.. it's nice to have our old memories make a comeback once a while.. Anyway, this entry is super sweet.. love it..

zamspotte said...

huhu.... lovely story... I like the loyalty... This shown how loyal you be to your first love... But, I just wondering that the cassette recorder still in the good condition... If the things belong to me, their lifespan must be lower... my PC was broken when I'm graduated... My toys always broken less than half year (when I was child).

Please teach me how to conserve the properties!!!

Noraishikin Mohd Salleh said...

wah....touching giler..jgn lupakan dia lg k :)

Josette said...

That's a great story! I enjoyed reading it and made me think back of my younger days when I owned a Walkman too. Hmm, I think my Walkman is still around somewhere...

Wow, your dad must be really strict if he didn't allow you to listen to music. Did you listen to the radio all day long and neglected your studies? Haha! But he bought you your very own Walkman which you kept until now.

Now with iPods, mp3s, handphones that can keep thousands of songs, we are completely surrounded by music 24/7.

ije said...

waaaa... ije baca ni... naik bulu roma. sangat nostalgik.


HEMY said...

wahhh....mmg memorable tol..ko simpan je la..mesti jd sangat valuable nnt...hehehe

CAHAYA said...


Yep. I will treasure this. So much memories with SONY. Memories that made me smiles all the time. ;)

InsyaALLAH akan jaga baik2. Walaupun dah tak boleh guna satu hari nanti.



Memang banyak barang lama waktu selongkar stor semalam. Jumpa album lama. Jumpa MAPED yang aku guna masa sekolah untuk kelas LK. Jumpa lencana2 sekolah dari aku darjah 1. Tapi SONY ni paling best woo. Terus flashback semua kejadian.

p/s: Masa aku nangis, suara background Mak aku kat belakang, "Buang2. Takyah simpan2."

Meen Eunos said...

=) nice entry di pagi ramadhan ke-2 ni.
keep it up.
jaga barang lama baik baik.

CAHAYA said...


Yeah. Good memories are worth treasured. For the bad one, we just wish it won't happen again in the future. We learned from it, hopefully. Thanks.



Baiklah. Takkan lupa lagi. ;) Dah bersihkan. Cuti rabu ni boleh keluarkan harta karun dan mengenang kenangan silam bersama SONY. ;)

CAHAYA said...


'He' showed 'his' loyalty. 'He' served me 'his' very best for almost 7 years before I abandoned him for MP3s in 2000. 'He' still can serve me now. Alhamdulillah.

It would be nice if we can practice it as well in our daily life. Be the humble servant of Allah, aite?

p/s: Woa, you ni mesti ganas kan? Hehe. Nak jaga tu senang je. Anggap je macam nyawa. Mesti okay. Tapi kereta Cahaya compang-camping di luar. Ape la nak jadi.

CAHAYA said...


Thanks. Glad you like it. ;) Snap a picture of your Walkman when you found it, okay?

My dad used to be very strict. We can't yell or scream in the house at his present and kept books in our hand at all time. I used to hate him for what he did to us back then. We need to achieve something to be rewarded. But now, I'm so grateful. I would not be in this place right now if not because of him.

Fyi, I only listened to radio after school (1 hours) before my dad came back from work and before I went to bed at night. With SONY, I 'slept' with 'him' all night long. Haha. ;)

Yep, 24/7 all music. With MP3s, iPod and everything, we kinda neglected the presence of the real music in hand.

CAHAYA said...


Wah, sampai naik bulu roma. Huhu. ;) Yep. Sangat nostalgia bila jumpa. Nangis macam budak kecik. Shame on me!



Yep. Simpan. Pastu bagi kat anak cucu, terus jahanam. Haha. Takdelah, simpan. Mane lah tahu esok2 boleh bukak muzium (ayat Mak aku). Sabar je la.

CAHAYA said...


Thanks Meen. I will sure keep it safely. ;) Salam Ramadhan. ;) Have a bless one this year.

TiNiE said...

i think we shared da same interest in music.
dlm alternatip2 pun leh suka sama kak celine n kak mariah kan..samala akak pun..hehehe..ace of base, roxette...wuuhuuu bes bes..
tahniah for this superb entry!!!

CAHAYA said...


Ye ke? Yeay! Found my music buddy. ;) Zaman saya dulu diorang tak panggil alternative. Diorang panggil Grunge!

Lagu2 Miss Dion and Carey selalu berkumandang. Sampai rasa terhantu sekali ngan lirik2. Pelik kan, bila kita taknak ingat lirik lagu tu, or tak suka lagu, lagu tu yg paling ingat. Hish!

Glad that we shared the same taste! Thanks.

CATZ said...

entry ini mengingatkan catz pada zaman catz sekolah dan zaman di universiti.
masa sekolah, time tu zaman2 band rock akhir 80-an dan awal 90-an...dan jugak zaman2 Mc Hammer, ace of base, brian adams etc...mmg takleh bwk radio sebab duk hostel..tapi time tuh catz sorok2 beli radio kecik, dgr pakai earphone.then sorok dlm l;ocker, siap buat compartment khas..hahaha..time spot check sure tak jumpa punya..kehkehkeh.

pastuh zaman universiti lah 1st time beli walkman..masa tuh hampir semua org ada..time tu kat JB, so radio fevret was radio Ria singapore..dan best 104. terkenang balik zaman2 tuh mmg bestnyaaaaa...
mmg gila dgr lagu..etc..zaman KRU tgh popular hhehehe..kalau takdek radio takleh study..mmg peneman setia lah...

Porcelain Doll said...

Auwh... I loves this post.
My eyes pon macam nak watery-watery,
almaklumla, ratu airmata. *hik hik*

So sweet of your dad,
remind me of my Dad in many cases.
I'm the only one who always get this kind of surprises among 3 of us. *terukkan?*
yelah, the boys will request what they want if they pass their exam or any other activity but me, i didn't say what i want...

I just don't think i can handle 'NO' from him or anybody, err... especially him. So better keep everything to myself. But daddy will always be a daddy, he sure will know what his children wants *wink*

So, please give your SONY a good treatment after this =)

The Blues Chelsea said...


CAHAYA said...


Time Cahaya pun masih tak boleh bawak Walkman kat hostel. Kena sorok2. Kalau bukan pasal spot check pun, senior2 ramai membuli. Main rampas je diorang ni. Takde belas kasihan langsung.

Zaman universiti dah zaman MP3. So, terus berkubur dah kaset2 koleksi. Ari tu tgk dah naik kulat2 dah. Dalam proses jemuran skang ni. ;)

Haha. Teringat zaman KRU. Kawan saya peminat Edry, siap pegi stalk diorang kat Bangunan KRU kat Setiawangsa tu. Haha. ;) Kelakar betul zaman muda.

CAHAYA said...


Alahai. Ratu airmata ke? Isk isk. Boleh jadi pelakon ni. Bila nak ujibakat?

My Dad can be sweet sometimes. But most of the time he will be all gloomy and strict. We all get used to him right now. He is what he is, right? And I don't want him to change either. Agreed, Daddy will always be a daddy. ;)

Don't worry, SONY will received a first-class treatment after this. ;)


The Blues Chelsea,

hai. ;)

reena said...

brg yg lame, byk kenangan... chewah.. hihi...

CAHAYA said...

Yep. kenangan mengusik jiwa. ;)

@xiM said...

i love to read this till the end!!

a good memory will always be a good one!!

thank god you found your love bacak..:)

CAHAYA said...


Glad that you like it. ;) Some memories are worth treasured. Including this one. Thank GOD I found SONY back. Somehow made realized that we always neglect old things(person) for something(someone) new. Hukum alam ker? Wallahualam.