Saturday, September 5, 2009

He left. And I hope it's forever.


I used to believe that I can't live without love. I used to think that my life will be miserable when he left. I tried to keep the relationship going on. Even I know, both of us might end-up in misery in some point. I was wrong.

Honestly, I feel better now. Inside and outside. I took control of everything. My life, my feelings and myself. It was hard at first. But someone told me it was all mind set. So I let it go. And lined up my priority up front. I turned to Him for guidance and peace. Alhamdulillah, I managed.

In our life, we’ll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom we shared something special, ones who will always mean something. There’s the one we first kissed, the one we first loved, the one we put on a pedestal, the one we’re with and the one who left.

Who is the one that left? I guess it’s that person with who everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong. There was no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn’t fall the right way, I suppose.

I believe everything happen for a reason. Everything just happen the way it should or shouldn't. I just hope both of us will find our happiness. And if not with each other, we will find it with someone else. Or somewhere else.

YKWYA: We had some unsettled business which need to be taken care of before I leave this world for good. I just hope there's no hate between us. I know you still want to bash me any chance you could. And you did. Please just stop it. You not hurting me but yourself. I'm so sorry for everything.

31 comments:

Precious said...

There're always 2 sides of everything ...

bluecrystaldude said...

It's sure a nice time to reflect :) Have a great weekend Cahaya :)

balqissy said...

hurm unsettled biz? maybe ada cheque belum langsai ^.^ *peace sis*

nabilla naha said...

OMG~~

Cahaya, its happening to me right now! i've been crying for the past 2 weeks and everything i did will always remind me of him.. and whenever i feel like i'm missing him, i'll turn to the other HIM, the one up there and slowly, the thought of this very person evaporated to thin air.. i still miss him though, but at least i still have my smile.. i choose to stay happy as every person i know said that i always have a choice..

thanks for this post..it meant something for me..

CAHAYA said...

Precious,

Yeah. Hopefully. ;)

---------------------------------------------------

BCD,

Yeah, maybe. We never know, aite? Have a great weekend to you too. ;)

CAHAYA said...

balqissy,

Lebih kurang macam itulah. Semoga diberikan kudrat mencari untuk selesaikan sebelum diseru malaikat Maut.

Doakan yer. ;)

CAHAYA said...

nabilla naha,

Cry if you need to. Let it go from your chest. It might be hard for few days, weeks, months or even years. Hopefully we'll get thru' it slowly and painlessly.

I've been missing him a lot too. I feel like I had a big bulk of stone inside my heart and I can't let it out. I cried almost everyday. Regretting what I did and didn't do.

I found my peace when I'm with HIM. Kinda regret because I didn't do it earlier. Just don't give up. HE will listen. InsyaALLAH.

Thanks to you too. It feel nice when we're not alone. Keep the smile on your face. People might wonder what you're up to. ;)

cik siti penguin said...

to love is to let go, as they say. but to let go is easier said than done. so, i'm proud of you for being able to do it. ^^

CAHAYA said...

cik siti penguin,

Yep. So they say. I can't believe myself either. I hope it's forever. I never wish to went thru' all that 'black' time ever again.

sepul said...

takpe.. life must go on. eh by the way. i nak link kan ur blog. mcm best jer. thanx

CAHAYA said...

sepul,

Life must go on, so they say. To which direction? Only HE knows the best for us. InsyaALLAH.

'Live Life, Love Life"

Thanks sepul, let me link you too.

Fly said...

hapy weekend to u

CAHAYA said...

Fly,

Weekend? Dah nak habis dalam beberapa jam je lagi. 2 hari weekend bekerja. It has been going on for 3 months now. Hate it!

But bila fikir kerja itu satu Ibadah, terus sejuk sikit hati.

Fly said...

salam.selamat berbuka puasa cahaya.. semoga Allah merahmati kamu sekeluarga aminn

CAHAYA said...

Fly,

Salam. Selamat berbuka. Amin. ;)

November said...

i have no experience in break-ups (never been in a relationship before)..but all i've got to say is - be strong, girl. when something is not yours, then it's not yours. no matter what u do. but if something is definitely yours, it will be yours. not matter what you do or what happen, it will be yours. eternally.

CAHAYA said...

November,

Yeah, I guess so. I used not to believe that before. I believe if we want something we have to work things out, no matter what. I was wrong.

I don't wanna be wrong forever. So I chose to let go. And walk away. I hope he gets whatever he deserves in this world, a better, beautiful partner to accompany him for the rest of his life. Forever.

Thanks gal. ;)

Jard The Great said...

i feel a bit liberated reading this entry... ehehe.. nice one!

CAHAYA said...

Jard,

Liberated how? Anyway, good to know you feel better. ;) Thanks.

Faisal Admar said...

ah i think it's the best time for you to write a poem? hmm. suppose.

sometimes if we can't find the right person, it's better for us to live alone and do our things, goals in life. i bet a hardworking girl like you has a lot of things and goals to achieve. i know.

so just give love life some space. i always believe love is in the air. so, just be patient and the love will come. ok? :)

open your heart, never close the door.

zackzara said...

Some ppl say : move on.

Some ppl say : work it out. if you have try all means to get it right and still failed, then move on.

Some ppl say : give up is only for those who fear of failure.

I would say : try it first, if all things failed - move on.

I know Kin, to let go is the hardest thing to do. It is easier said than done. I had the same situation too although it is not specifically a relationship of bf-gf. But time will heal. It will let go eventually.

Jard The Great said...

i feel liberated by these words.."There was no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn’t fall the right way, ".... becoz i personally had this experience..

thought i met the right guy.. the chemistry was good....... the person was without fault...

but.....

the cards just didn't fall the right way..... bad timing I guess... huhuhu..

and the tough part..... I still miss him and yearn for him...

iNsOmNiAc said...

cahaya,
congratz for goin thru this phase gracefully...

jard,
gosh! tell me abt it :p i've been stuck with the same issue for ages ;) all the best to both of us!
p/s: i nicknamed this guy as 'the one (who got away)' T_T sobs!

CAHAYA said...

Faisal Admar,

Poem? I ain't creative nor write well anyway. But I love poem so much.

Yes. Lotsa things to be taken care of with very restricted time. Me hardworking? I'm just nobody. I need extra effort to standalone. It was hard.

I just give up. I don't believe in love or anything related to it anymore. Even if it's in the air, I refuse to inhale it.

CAHAYA said...

Zara,

The best thing we weren't even a couple. But it hurts like it. The love and the pain wasn't equal. It was all mixed up. Tangled by evil.

I'm letting go part by part. I mend my heart slowly. And I hope he will too. I wish to turn back the time where I don't even know him at all. But everything was not determined by us. But from The Almighty. I've learned a lot from all of this. Alhamdulillah.

Lets see what else time can do. Okay? Hope you'll be fine, babe.

CAHAYA said...

Jard,

It was all right, right? But still somehow we missed out things. Obviously, it was from my side.

I just hope you'll managed one day, babe. Sorting things and move on. All the best to all of us.

CAHAYA said...

iNsOmNiAc,

Hopefully I can hold for long. I melt once in a while. It was better than before. So, I guess I managed for quite a while. Hope it's forever. I want it to be forever.

p/s: The one who got away. :(

inthenitegarden said...

Sometimes love means to let go. Just because you love yourself so u let go. This applicable to any relationship and also in every aspect of life. Only u know what the best for yourself. Pain, angry, regret, heart ache, loneliness, tears - all these are so friendly to you at the moment but they are temporary. Once u managed to go thru all these hurdles, i believe you'll be stronger and stronger each day.

Stay tough girl!

p/s: may the other party understand your reasons being.

CAHAYA said...

inthenitegarden,

Yeah. I guess letting go is the best. They aren't much option tho'. Can't agree more on the feelings of pain, angry, heart ache, loneliness and tears. That was all gone. Alhamdulillah.

I hope I'm strong enough to live a day without love. And I am. I will be tough. Surely.

p/s: hopefully. so far, it doesn't seems so.

Nite Garden said...

Glad to hear that u r doing fine now. I myself took about a year to completely cure. We ended up the relationship with mutual agreement. It's been two years now living my life without him in my heart. It's grateful that we still remain friends until now.

CAHAYA said...

Nite Garden,

Mutual agreement is the best. I didn't like the way we bashing hate words to each other. :( And some mixed feeling right after.

Woa, I actually never believe one love relationship can be friends after. But glad you did it. You're tough gal. Hope everything will be great for you in the future.