Thursday, June 18, 2009

Feeling Guilty.

Taken from Google.com

Have you said something bad about other people and then feel bad about it? I'm not saying about bad talk or bad mouth. I'm referring to the undiscovered truth (only now it was discovered) about someone, and this truth made that person looks bad.

I feel guilty. Guilty over something I've said to someone yesterday. I wish that I could shut my mouth up and say nothing about it.

But one can only wish. I certainly can't do anything about what I've already did. Even if it was bad. Even if it turns out bad. I have to accept all the consequences over action that I did. So much of taking ownership, I guess.

If you're in my situation, what will you feel bad/guilty about? Are you feel bad about what will happen between those two? Or are the guilt from your action of telling, where you can't shut your mouth and meddling with other people issue?

Mine will be the second. I feel guilty because I said those things. I guess the word 'betrayal' is best to describe my action. It was the truth. But it should never came out from me. Supposedly not from my very mouth.

I'm now still listing my course of action. Both of them are my friends. I'm kinda stuck and caught in the middle. I will surely feel guilty over time if I don't say it to friend A. But I do feel really bad right now to friend B for said it. Both action will lead me to guilty feelings. It just the matter of time, maybe.

Footnotes:
A: I'm so glad that you've already know about it. I know you said that I did what I had to do and should not feel guilty. But I did feel it, so bad in fact.
B: I'm so sorry. I know sorry does not change the fact or whatever I've done. But I wish I can do better as your friend in the future. I'm really sorry.


p/s: Feels like crying. Feels like hell.

32 comments:

MariaFaizal said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
MariaFaizal said...

First of all, lovely new skin dear :D (Sorry had to delete former response as too many typos)

And next, please please don't feel sad this way. I'm sure you meant no harm at all & you need to tell both your friends about how exactly you feel.

You're a great person Cahaya & beautiful inside out.Enjoy life darlin' :)

CAHAYA said...

Maria Faizal,

Thanks. This layout may be temporary. I'm trying to crack my head again today to do coding for my exact layout. hopefully. haha.

I feel bad, Kak Maria. If only I can shut my mouth up and stop interfering with other people business. My intention was not to make her looks bad or anything. But I guess everything is beyond that now. They might don't even care what my intention is.

I told friend A already how I feel, what I feel. But seems it doesn't do/change any good. I deserve it, maybe. About friend B, I may lose her forever. And I don't want that to happen.

Friendship is suppose to be treasured forever. For better or worst.

mangosteenskin said...

hm...memang susah kalau tersepit diantara dua sahabat. what is done can't be undone...tapi kalau bersalah, meminta maaf itu perlu. Mungkin tak perlu penjelasan panjang lebar, seadanya memadai. "Jenayah" yang sudah anda lakukan tetap akan masuk ke dalam profail anda, tapi jika anda seorang sahabat yang baik, over times, saya pasti anda tidak akan terkeluar dari List of Friends si B.

Hulurkan bantuan bila dia memerlukan bantuan lain kali, let her know what u've said doesn't actually change how you care about her.

Adakalanya i think i said something hurts to my bestfriend too, tapi bila difikirkan...i won't say that to people that i don't care. I take the risk, because I love her.

CAHAYA said...

Mangosteenskin,

True enough what is done can't be undone. Only GOD knows how I want it to be better if I had a chance.

I'm not sure if what I did is wrong. It might be wrong from the eye of B but not A. I will say sorry to her, that's for sure. I know sorry will not change the fact over the crime, over whatever I did to her. Even it was a plain truth about her.

I'll always be here to help her. She can count on me anytime she wants, whenever she needs me. I know she will be crush her if she knows about this. And it's me who cause it. :(

TiNiE said...

C, kaktinie pun penah jadi ceni..huhuhu pasrah

CAHAYA said...

TiNie,

Pasrah je ke? Macam tidak berpuas hati je nak berdiam diri dan pasrah.

HEMY said...

some things are better to be left forgotten...=]

CAHAYA said...

I will forget if someone said things about me. But how can you forget something that you've said to others?

haruan tasek said...

dah episode 99 ke

CAHAYA said...

nampaknya macam tu la. :P

Honeydy Love said...

Assalammualaikum..

minta lah petunjuk dari Yang Maha Esa.. Insyaallah.. Only Him could help you to solve da puzzle.. Wallahualam.. Smile always ok. :)

Wassalam..

tchersally said...

Asslamualaikum..ting..tong..am i in the right house??..hehe..luv ur new skin..

hmmm..well..things like this do happens..ermmm..let time heal the wound perhaps..?..

CAHAYA said...

Honey,

Salam. That's what I'm looking for right now. I'm seeking forgiveness between human and leave the rest to HIM.

I'm not afraid of the consequences. Whatever done can't be undone. But I'm still feel guilty about yesterday.

Thanks Honey. :)

CAHAYA said...

Tchersally,

Salam. Yes. You're in the right house. I'm addicted to black and white since I've redecorate my room with the same theme. Simple and very ZEN. :P

I know nothing that I can do to change the situation. I'm still feel guilty about it. And I really hope time will heal the wound.

One thing for sure, it's not me that wounded in this case.

Ad Rifza said...

You've done a right thing..You've said you are sorry..You've shown your guilty..They will understand it..Insyallah..
Sometimes kita rasa kita bersalah esp bila kata2 kita itu dilakukan terhadap kawan yg close dgn kita..Tapi jika kita rasa tindakan kita itu yg terbaik utk diorg kenapa rasa bersalah?Rite?..Kita lakukan atau perkatakan adalah utk kebaikan mereka..Suatu hari mereka akan fikir juga what you said is true and for their own good..Insyallah..

CAHAYA said...

Ad Rifza,

Harap2 begitu la Ad. Jangan mereka salah anggap intention Cahaya sudahlah. Yang lain, Cahaya dah bersedia terima. Kadang2 kita perlu let go something dan biar dia berjalan dgn arah sendiri. Bak kata pepatah inggeris, to let things go with the flow. :)

Thanks Ad for the advise. Rasa bersalah itu masih ada, cuma berkurang sedikit dengan semangat dr kawan2. InsyaALLAH semuanya akan baik2 semula. Doakan.

Honeydy Love said...

just wait till miracles happened.. percaya pada qada' n qadar. Asalkan kita lakukan dgn ikhlas, insyaallah we will received our rewards from Allah S.W.T.. Patient is Priceless. But must make sure it is worth it and not involving anyone else in a lost(lotsa terms). U hv a great life dear. why must u waste it juz b'coz of one thing. but it doesn't mean we have to totally ignore it permanently. Time.. Da time would come sooner or later, then yr friend would realize how precious is a friendship could be.. :)

Smile kay..? there u are.. i can see you are smiling now.. Received yr tickets already rite..? See..? i can see yr teeth.. Damn, u're laughing.. :)

CAHAYA said...

Honey,

Wow, you're good. I'm smiling for sure. I received the tickets yesterday. Can't wait for this Saturday so three of us can scream our lungs out to all the bands.

Thanks Honey. At least writing about this can let this issue out from my chest. It's kinda heavy to hold it for long. But, I will be more at ease if I can talk to friend B personally. Hope she can tell my pure intention and not mistaken it over something else.

I'm sure will not forget of things happen. And surely will try to keep my mouth shut next time. I hate feeling like this. And I don't intend to feel the same in the future.

One can only hope. :)

Honeydy Love said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Honeydy Love said...

Well dear, i think i might know yr case.. Might be.. juz guessing not assuming kay..
whatever it is, u're in da middle and it might be involving da 4th or might be da 5th and 6th party if u dun tell da truth(wut do u feel about his/her actions).. at least dear, by telling da truth (politely without hurting anyone dat could make ourself,place to be blamed).
u will feel less guilty on it rather than not doing it. trust me dear.

If we are good friend, we have to at least remind them on what they are not supposedly to do. but they are da one who has to make da desicion coz we could only advice. coz we love them as part of our life(friends or love).If it does related to us or involving us directly or indirectly dat could make our life more worse, juz make a step.
Dun get yrself involve kay. If u still walk on da same path, well my sugar babe, u juz have to bare the consequences dat comes.

We have given choices to choose. It's up to us to choose which one we are supposedly to choose, not to choose the one dat we are not supposedly to choose..or we'll die.. :)

bit complicated...? Nahh.. it won't be unless u let it be complicated. :)

Note of Love : 3 person meh..? who else..? u,eeehheemmmmm2 (suddenly coughing) and who..? huhu.. :)

Uncle Lee said...

Hello Cahaya, Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.
It's easier to ask forgiveness than it is to get permission.

Don't worry over what is done. We are all human....
All of us at one time or other have said, mention something uncomfortable about or to someone.
But saying 'sorry' does help heal the wound.

You have a pleasant week and keep a song in your heart, best regards, Lee.

CAHAYA said...

Honey,

I don't know where I stand anymore in their life. Like I said before, I'm not afraid of the consequences. But I like things to be normal as it is. As before.

I don't want it to be complicated. So I choose to let go. I choose to move on. Malas mahu fikir sudah.

p/s: It's not a threesome kinda way. It's just between three person in the course we called friendship. :) Take care. I wanna watch 'Pilih Kasih' Live next week. :) Bawak I tau!

izan said...

Cahaya,

sebab itu ..... luar dari suasana alam maya, k zan sekadar jadi pendengar dan tertawa atau pendengar dan bersedih. memang k zan jenis yang susah nak buka mulut.... untuk memuji, berkata-kata atau apa saja yang memerlukan ....

tetapi ini juga ada baik dan buruknya....

apapun, yakini dan pasrah dengan apa yang berlaku dan perbaiki .... jangan bersedih... insyaallah cahaya akan tersenyum semula.

CAHAYA said...

Uncle Lee,

Woa, thanks for commenting on my humble blog. Thanks so much.

Sorry never seems the hardest word for me. By saying it too much make me kinda loose the sense of forgiveness after some time. Now, I only say it whenever I think should. Whenever there's a need for it.

In this case, I just want friend B to know how sorry I am. How I wish that I should mind my own business and not talk about her regards good or bad. I should know better. Whatever done is done and can't be undone. I know we're all human and making mistake (or more mistakes) doesn't really make us 'human' enough anymore. I should learn from it.

I just hope that the word 'sorry' will mends her heart. I know it's not enough. But seems it's the ONLY thing that I can do.

Have a great weekend Uncle Lee. Mine already started today! Yippie yay!

CAHAYA said...

Kak Izan,

Thanks Kak Izan. Bersedih atau gloomy waktu sekarang takkan ubah apa2. Yang penting Cahaya dah cuba buat yg terbaik untuk betulkan keadaan. Cahaya tahu belum cukup. Dan Cahaya bersedia untuk buat apa sahaja asalkan boleh kembalikan masa lalu.

Thanks Kak Izan sbb jadi pendengar yang setia, penasihat yang baik dan segalanya. Harap Cahaya takda buat silap yg sama pada Kak Izan.

Take care dan selamat berhujung minggu. :P

Jard The Great said...

time will heal all wounds.. enjoy ur weekend.. hope it doesn't haunt u..

Honeydy Love said...

Of coz dear.. Boleh aja.. Roger2 lah kay.. :)

zafi said...

If you have the opportunity to meet that person again so meet him/her...
again... we are only human.. we always do mistakes and we will learn from it..
it will takes some time to mend the emotion part of yours... but believe me, this is life.. feeling good and bad... we are in the process of learning... take care!

CAHAYA said...

Jard,

I'm sure will enjoy my weekend. I try to put things aside and hopefully time will heal whatever damage I've done.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Honey,

Okay, even I don't know how to roger you. :P

CAHAYA said...

Zafi,

I'm not sure I will meet her again after what had happened. I just hope if Allah crossed our path, she will forgive me. If not, I will just leave it to fate.

Yeah, human and mistakes. Just I don't want that as an excuse. Learning on the other hand is a continuous process and I'll surely not giving up on that.

As for my feelings, I'm so NUMB. I don't feel anymore.

Honeydy Love said...

done.. :)