Monday, May 24, 2010

Fat girl rants. Don't read this.

There was few blogs that ranted about 'Gemuk' this few days. About how it feels like being ugly, being not special and all, blah blah blah. I couldn't agree more to whatever they've said. It's true. Being fat is never special. Being fat is disaster. I still not used to it even I've been in these fat suit for all my life.

It sucks when people make jokes about you and it hurts more when you laughed your ass off their jokes. What it makes you then? Joker? or Loser? Your pick!

To be honest, I've tried everything. I've tried pills, starving myself, exercises till I sprained my ankle (twice), slimming programs, no-rice-diet for months, all-protein-diet whatsoever to get rid all the fats. None of these make me slimmer but sick. And these thick fats not only affected me physically, but emotionally as well. My self-esteem get lower and lower everyday until I lose myself in the process.

After few incidents, I've made some changes. I've learned to live with my body. Be comfortable and proud of myself. After all, life is short, and I don't wanna waste it by being a miserable fat girl. I own my body and I love it. Don't get me wrong, this doesn't mean that I've given my hope to get my perfect body. At least now I'm doing it slow and steady. Exercise and eat right. And to hell out what people wanna say about me.

Being fat, especially fat girl is not easy. You have to look right (at least fat-girl-material right) and you have to smell good too. Believe me, I've got tons of compliments of being fat girl that aren't smelly. Yeay! No one likes smelly stinky ass to be around them. Be it fat nor hot girl. Speaking of look right means fashion, and I've one icon when it comes to fat girl fashions.

She is Beth Ditto. She is a self-proclaimed 'FATshionista'. She wears what the hell she wants and be okay about it. She embraces her body in all its fleshy naked glory and shows it off to maximum effect. I wish I am that daring. She is a dab hand at turning belts into necklaces and skirts into ponchos (who will think of that, right?). When she does the monochrome look she gives it a rock chick edge with a slash of red lipstick and thick wings of black eyeliner. She chooses outfits that flaunt her figure and personality rather than camouflaging either. Beth Ditto, I salute you. I heart your style and you rock!

She's cool, right?

So if you're fat, thin, size 0 (or below 0), size 10 or size 32, believe me, you're special in every single way. That's what Aguilera said. And she's so damn right!


bluecrystaldude said...

First of all, I love Aguilera's song :)

Secondly, I don't think you have to change anything about you sweetheart. And if you want to change, just change because you want to yourself and not due to others opinions.

Anyway, Beth Ditto is amazing! Confident is the key! ;)

Faisal Admar said...

which song by aguilera?

i don't know why. but my heart tells me that you can get thin.

maybe just some imaginations. i don't know.

Mohd Adziim said...

I heard of case about being fat and not able to be thin despite trying all kind of slimming program....the cause was something related to hormone. Genetically problem if I'm not mistaken. Don't really remember about it.

Anyway just be the way you are and it feels so good reading your blog.

Shima Ibrahim said...

Hey, dear. frankly, I don't think you are fat. Know why? Because you are tall. Your body frame is big. If you are thin, with that big frame, you won't look right either. And I agree with your friend right there. Change because you want to, not because people told you to change.

I've met Adibah Noor in person once. As we all know, she's a big person. Trust me, she's taller and bigger than you. One of the people around her at that time asked her if she have any plan to slim down. She said, she's happy with who she is and how she looks right now. But still, one day, she will make an effort to lose all those weight for health reason, not because of those bad mouths telling her that she's fat.

Ok, dear? Just enjoy your life. Cherish every moment. Don't trouble your mind with something like this. And of course, take care of your health. Don't worry too much. ;)

iNsOmNiAc said...

Mr.Admar dearie, it's Beautiful by X'tina Aguilera ;)

Been reading ur blog for a while now and I believe all ur followers perceive u the way I do... U r a wonderful person regardless what those idiots told you - u're +ve, confidence and at times, i hafta admit, it made me kinda envious of u.
Do not listen to a word they say, u r fantabulous the way u r :) i luv ur spunk, wish i had the same gumption, gurl :) XOXO

iNsOmNiAc said...

p/s: real women have curves ;)

Wahidah said...

kewl cahaya..ktia terima diri kita seadanya..biaq pi la org nak kata pe

@xiM said...

faisal,tu lagu BEAUTIFUL dari aguilera..

cahaya,me too have da same perception with faisal..u can get thin..what you do now was so right.just eat healthy and do exercise regularly..

we all special in every single way!

CAHAYA said...

BCD - True. Confident is the key. But I don't think I have enough of that left for me now. I certainly won't change for anybody else. I wanna change for myself. I'm tired being in this body and being someone else's joke. Believe me it take a lot more than others opinions to make me crush the way I am. ;) Thanks dude.

Faisal - It's 'Beautiful' by Christina Aguilera. One of the phrase from the song, "I'm beautiful in every single way. Words won't being me down..."

I hope your heart is right. But if it were just imaginations, I can live with it. Jadi lah!

CAHAYA said...

Adziim - Yeah, maybe it's genetic. My whole family except my mom semua gemuk2. But why me? Why us? Why we've been cursed in this body? Even Dr. Rozmey pun give up sebab dia kata my body cells dah rosak. Too much pengambilan pil2 diet sblm ini dan mungkin tak boleh kurus. Ntahlah. I just hope I won't be 'the gone case'.

Thanks for reading, dude!

Shima - Err, I'm tall and fat at the same time. Tak best! Trust me, I need these changes for myself. Yang lain, cuma bonus.

Yeah, I met her too last few weeks. She's amazing and so comfortable in her skin. I admire her so much. I can imagine how it feels when people start asking those killer questions.

Thanks so much for your words, gal. ;)

CAHAYA said...

Insomniac - Hehe. Thanks for responded to Admar's question. ;)

Woa, I don't think I'm half from what you've described. But thanks. My confidence level just boost up to my neck. Ah, you've made my day. Thanks so much. ;) Muahs.

p/s: Yeah! Real women should have curves. :P

Wai - Eh, cakap utagha eh? Hehe. Yep. Terima diri seadanya. Tapi still tak boleh terima gak.

CAHAYA said...

Axim - ;) Thanks Azim for answering Faisal's question.

I hope so, Azim. Wish me lotsa luck for my slimming adventures. ;)

Kniedaz said...

got a friend here whose trying to slim down her body..its so stressing to watch her eating no rice at all..don't treat your body like that cahaya..its always healthy first.. ^_^
(me pun dah tembam..malas nak diet..hehe)

Sally said... long as u r happy n hell what other people say bout u..

CAHAYA said...

kniedaz - Yeah! I will take care of my health for sure. Safety first! ;) Thanks babe.

tchersally - I wish I can do that. I will try harder this time. ;)