They Have A Choice.

Taken from Google.com

Everyone is entitled for at least one choice in everything. There's no such thing as "I have no choice", or "You leave me no choice". It got to be something. There must be anything that you can choose from. Especially when it's regarding infidelities.

I'm not keen with affairs. I don't like woman who having affairs with someone else's husband or vice versa. And this is not about me.

It's about my colleagues. Both of them are my colleagues. And one of them (the female) was my best friend. The "was" happened after I confronted her about her affair. She totally cuts me off. She deleted me from her Facebook's friend list and we've not talking since then. The male is my AM. He's married with 2-years old daughter.

I said she will be brokenhearted in the end. I said he will not leave his wife for her. I said he is just wanna have fun. I said he told everyone how she fall for him so bad and whatever he did to her/together. I said it because I care for her. I said it because I want her to know that whatever he promises her isn't real.

But she chose otherwise. She chose that guy over me. She rather losing me than him. She said she knows what will happen in the end. She said she's ready to whatever consequences. She chose to be brokenhearted anyway. And that's just sad.

He, on the other hand, chose to have an affair. He chose to cheat his wife. He doesn't feel guilty at all. He's condoning to that behavior. He's evil. He's not playing fair to everyone. He's just him. Plain selfish bastard.

She has a choice. He also has a choice. Choice to make better. Choice to be better. They just chose not to have all that. They chose misery. Pity them.


peace.love.respect('cahaya')

jelaskan padaku isi hatimu
seberapa besar kau yakin padaku
untuk tetap bisa bertahan denganku
menjaga cinta ini
pertengkaran yang terjadi
seperti semua salahku
mengapa selalu aku yang mengalah
tak pernah kah kau berpikir sedikit tentang hatiku
mengapa ku yang harus selalu mengalah
pantaskah hatiku
masih bisa bersamamu

Over.

Taken from Google.com

Do you ever want a particular day to be over? I do. I want today to be over. Yes, you can call me emotional too. Or whatever. I just want today to be over. Period.

peace.love.respect('cahaya')

mengejar mimpi yang pasti akan aku sentiasa merasa kehilanganmu,
ku akan tunggu saat bertemu,
tiada henti walau dimana kita berdiri dia dalam dunia ini,
biar sampai akhirnya nanti,
semua tak terang di mataku walau warnanya menyala,
ingin merasa namun aku tak akan cuba
biar kata memisah kita,
biarkan saja,
kerana terbiasa.

Attention Seeker.

Do you happen to know any attention seeker? How do you deal with him/her?

I was driving just now to office when I heard the FlyFm's DJ talked about attention seeker. I'm so surprised to know that attention seeking behavior is actually a syndrome. And there's a name to it. A lot of callers called to share their experiences. I do have my own experiences with one (actually more than one).

I know few friends that like to be the center of attention all the time.

1st case - Friend A
I would say, she is very pretty. She's nice when she being herself when no one 'worth' around. Her personality will change all of sudden; being super friendly, whenever there's a lot of people (especially guys) around her. She will suddenly burst into tears/ laughs when she's not the being attend to. Or she will passed out and said that she caught a very unexplainable illness which includes migraine and something regards her respiratory system.

2nd case - Friend B
He's a good looking guy. He's very helpful and fun to be with. The thing is, he will not being himself when he's in the crowd. He will become annoying, said hi to all and asked them with ridiculous question such as - "Do you love me?" or "Aku handsome tak?". He will constantly ask until no one listen to him. And then, he will make up stories that there's a lot of chicks are dying to get him in bed with them, and so on.

It's sad to be that kind of a person.I think that perhaps they are very insecure and they have to make up things to impress others or to make them look good. But what good will do if you're lying, right?

Quoted from this website,

Human beings are social creatures and need social interaction, feedback, and validation of their worth. The emotionally mature person doesn't need to go hunting for these. They gain it naturally from their daily life, especially from their work and from stable relationships.

The emotionally immature person has low levels of self-esteem and self-confidence and consequently feels insecure. To counter these feelings of insecurity they will spend a large proportion of their lives creating situations in which they become the center of attention. It may be that the need for attention is inversely proportional to emotional maturity, therefore anyone indulging in attention-seeking behaviors is telling you how emotionally immature they are.

How do you deal with this kinda person? Some people say, just ignore them. Some say, drift away from them. And some, just confess that you don't like their attitude. My choice will be no2. I will drift away from this annoying jerk. How about you?

peace.love.respect('cahaya')

I don't wanna run away
Baby you're the one I need tonight
No promises
Baby now I need to hold you tight
I just wanna die in your arms
Here tonight

They Said.

They said I'm too emotional.
They said I'm too straightforward.
They said I'm too blunt.

They said I've mood swings.
They said I've what it takes.
They said I've everything.

That was what they said in the last few days. We'll see if its change after a month (or two).

peace.love.respect('cahaya')

Tak'kan kubiarkan kau menangis
Tak'kan kubiarkan kau terkikis
Terluka perasaan oleh semua ucapan ku
Maafkanlah semua sifat kasar ku
Bukan maksud untuk melukai mu
Aku hanyalah orang yang penuh rasa cemburu
Bila kau tak di samping ku

Haha and Huhu.

This is the 100th post. Yay! Let's celebrate. And let me choose how. This is my kinda celebration. Bare with it. And here it goes.

I'm still not over whatever happen for the last few weeks. Good and bad, or even worst. I'm grateful that the Merciful still give me the strength and power to hold on after of all things had happened. I don't know for how long. But I'm sure will try my best to hold on and keep myself together. Pray for me, will ya?

I want to move to the new course. New direction. And hopefully it will turn out good this time. I want to think less of the not-so-important stuffs and focus on things that surely will do me good. I know we're all human, and it's likely for us to make mistakes and sometimes the same mistakes twice. But I don't like the idea of certain people, who condoning the behavior of careless human, that always make mistakes and never learn from it. If we're so careless and always make error, what's the differences between us (human) and the non-human? I'm just wondering, never questioning.

As for my life, lots of things happen for this week itself. Some are worth my attention and had caught my eyes. And some are way too much to handle. I almost get carried away by the situation. Even it's likely me to be carried away all the time.

GOOD things like job promotion, cousin's wedding and also our can't wait Pesta Malam Indonesia (PMI) concert, really filled up my days with smile. Not-so-GOOD events like my cousin's miscarriage, the issue of 'feeling guilty' and few bombing-and-bashing with colleagues over something irrelevant, had overwritten all the GOOD vibes.

I just hope that next week will turn out good for me. I need it. I will feel so low if it does not happen. I know it's so much to ask. There's nothing wrong to hope for something good, right?

Sorry, if this 'celebration' kinda emotional.

p/s: Take care and have a great great full blast weekend to all of you. I'll sure have mine at PMI's concert tomorrow. Thanks to Eddy for the tickets (walaupun susah sangat nak dapat. Ops!)

Feeling Guilty.

Taken from Google.com

Have you said something bad about other people and then feel bad about it? I'm not saying about bad talk or bad mouth. I'm referring to the undiscovered truth (only now it was discovered) about someone, and this truth made that person looks bad.

I feel guilty. Guilty over something I've said to someone yesterday. I wish that I could shut my mouth up and say nothing about it.

But one can only wish. I certainly can't do anything about what I've already did. Even if it was bad. Even if it turns out bad. I have to accept all the consequences over action that I did. So much of taking ownership, I guess.

If you're in my situation, what will you feel bad/guilty about? Are you feel bad about what will happen between those two? Or are the guilt from your action of telling, where you can't shut your mouth and meddling with other people issue?

Mine will be the second. I feel guilty because I said those things. I guess the word 'betrayal' is best to describe my action. It was the truth. But it should never came out from me. Supposedly not from my very mouth.

I'm now still listing my course of action. Both of them are my friends. I'm kinda stuck and caught in the middle. I will surely feel guilty over time if I don't say it to friend A. But I do feel really bad right now to friend B for said it. Both action will lead me to guilty feelings. It just the matter of time, maybe.

Footnotes:
A: I'm so glad that you've already know about it. I know you said that I did what I had to do and should not feel guilty. But I did feel it, so bad in fact.
B: I'm so sorry. I know sorry does not change the fact or whatever I've done. But I wish I can do better as your friend in the future. I'm really sorry.

p/s: Feels like crying. Feels like hell.

Just What the Doctor Ordered.

Taken from Google.com

I've never feel Monday this good. Everything seems to fall onto my lap so far. It's just the way I imagine it. Beautifully perfect!

And the rumors was out. Most of people knew about the 'interview' and how bad me wanting a new job. The thoughtful ones tried so hard talking me out of it. They even list the pros and cons of my action. Auwh, how sweet!

Not to forget, they're colleagues who think that I should do it long time ago, when I'm not too attach. They said I should move. Moving on to the new course. New environment and workplace. And new ME.

So that's today so far. Ops! Not yet. Breaking news.

I'm one of the candidates for promotion and increment. So, there are more reason for me to stay. Even if I don't get it, at least I've been considered for the new position. That is good enough. Alhamdulillah.

I'll focus more on my career more than anything else for the time being. It feels good not to think about all the 'mushy'ness that gave me head and hart ache.

p/s: Keep smiling. Good vibes. InsyaALLAH. **I'm smiling right now.

Completely Extremely Exhausted.

Taken from Google.com

Exhausting. Feeling Exhausted. So, I took advices from some people (including some of you) to take a time off from work to figure things out. I made the full used of my 4 days off (MC, off day, off day, AL). What a bless!

I went for the interview I've mentioned in the previous post. I even shortlisted for the next round. But it's totally not worth it. I guess I might stay a little while longer in my current job.

Enough said about the interview.

I've spent most of my days and nights in bed. I cut myself out from the outside world (including blogger.com, telephone and my family) and fully utilized the time off; resting and cuddling in my silk-bedding.

I watched lots of J-Drama series and cried every chances I got. It was very exhausting to cry over stupid drama series. But it made me forgot whatever things that have been hanging in my mind completely. I'm fully 'recovered', I might say. Completely!

Taken from Google.com

Last night, Ju, Intan and I went to watch 'Drag Me to Hell' at GSC@1Utama. What can I say, it was the completion of exhaust moment for the week. Movie is supposed to be fun and entertaining, right? But this is way way out of entertaining. Not even close. Not even a bit. It was torture.

The sound was too loud. Maybe this is what this movie producer/maker/director intentionally did. Scare audiences with scary voices and sounds. I'm not scared at all. I even laughed out loud over something utterly ridiculous. But the sounds made me exhausted. Even more. And depressed at the same time.

I guess Hollywood is not known best for their horror movie. The plot was not even logic. The ending will make you question why you went to watch it in the first place.

Completely horrendous (not movie wise). Completely ridiculous. Completely depressing. And complete waste of time and my RM11.50.

p/s 1: What is your favorite horror movie of all time? In terms of plotting, screenplay, or whatever.

p/s 2: And sorry for the harsh short-review of the movie.

Madness.

"A person needs a little madness, or else they never dare cut the rope and be free" - quoted

Last week kinda tough on me. Physically, mentally and emotionally. It was ended with a very bright smile on my face, I would say. I had an extravagant weekend. It was too much to handle, but I managed. Tired, and it was fun! Alhamdulillah.

My emotion was not in a very proud state last week. I've tried not to loose my temper over something stupid, which I always did. I'm a very straightforward person, where I will give straightforward answer regardless what the other party will feel. But this only applicable to work related thingy. I bet honesty is the best policy, right?

The week ended with a smile with a trip to lost world of Parit Buntar. We got lost! And we end-up at police station as our last resort to find the way to my ex-colleague's wedding. But finally it was worth it.

Yes, police station! Officer was very helpful. Thanks Bapak Polisi.

After 1hour plus of going back and forth to only God knows what direction, we're finally arrived. The catch up between the old friends was kinda sweet. I missed the moment where we sat together at TTDI pasar after long-hour of stressful condition and mocking our customers.

The king and queen of the day!

The completion of the Madness for the week!

I used not to like working on Sunday. It made me feels like working during Hari Raya. Empty and sad. But these bunch made me laugh every chances they get. What a bless! Grateful.

p/s: I have a job interview tomorrow. The pay, twice my current salary. Should I go for it? **Sigh

This is Life.

'Jodoh', 'Ajal' and 'Maut' are in the hand of the Almighty. We always said that. And we know that's so true. I can't agree more on that.

'Kun Fayakun' - Be and it is.

The Almighty Allah gave us 'akal' to plan whatever we want in life. He gave us the idea, and it's still up to us how to live our life. Hopefully, whatever we do is in the course towards finding Him. And the eternity.

This post is specially dedicate to 2 persons. Both are my blogger friends.


Actually, I was still in shock by the news of the demise of my blogger friends' twins, EncikBebel and his wife. I extend my deepest condolences to him and his family. May their babies souls rest in eternal peace and may Almighty give both of them the strength to bear this irreplaceable loss.

You can read more here (click please!).

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2nd, I wanna wish EncikEddy Happy 27th 26th Birthday. May this birthday be just the beginning of a year filled with happy memories, wonderful moments and shining dreams for you. God bless!


Special note:
1) EncikBebel, I pray Almighty Allah to grant you sufficient fortitude to face the changing situations. Be strong. Alfatihah.
2) EncikEddy, this is the best time for you to hand me those PMI's tickets. I'm looking forward for it so bad.

Changes.

Taken from Google

We are already in the month of June. 3rd Quarter of 2009. I can't help not to notice that my life kinda going into one same direction for the past half year. It's parallel. And it's boring.

I wanna change it. But I don't know where to start. I don't which one I should keep and which that I should let go. It's kinda of tough call to everything.

I'm thinking of updating my resume and start looking for a new job. It's not that I don't like working in my current company. But I need it for my career advancement, apart from the salary increment. As at this time of economy ups and downs, I think it's best if we move on to wherever that give us the best and promising condition.

But still, I've few things that hold me from doing it. I love my current job and I love what I'm doing. My job scope and all. I like my colleagues, my friends, my so-called free parking space, and the environment. I hate to move on and start new, start fresh in new environment and workplace. It's not that I don't like meeting new people, but everything will be very new to me. I have to build new rapport, new circle of friends, new place, new route to workplace, new boss, new job scope and only God knows what else to expect.

Changes are not always a bad things, right? New doesn't mean that I can't adapt. What I have to do is try. If it's for good cause, I don't think I should wait. Gambatte!

p/s: I'm thinking to change my blog layout too. What do you think? This one is kinda gloomy. I like colors.